these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
