yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
