You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
