come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
