jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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