Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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