Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish there were birth control emojis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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