I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize