The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.