I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
