yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together