There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you repeat that, but with context?