on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
