; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that