No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.