My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself