Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(251): View more from Alabama

There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.

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(708): View more from Illinois

so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(952): View more from Minnesota

I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport

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(810): View more from Michigan

I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running

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(469): View more from Texas

I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you repeat that, but with context?

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