I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize