and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
