suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
