and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize