Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
