I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
