I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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