So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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