why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i've created a new STD.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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