He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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