why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
