I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
