It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
