whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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