What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
