sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
