I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sarcasm needs its own font
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
