went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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