Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
