I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smell stomach acid.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
