i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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