You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
