yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
