Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
