i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
