I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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