yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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