How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
