No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
