it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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