I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
