I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
