Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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