somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
