ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
