apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
