$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
