the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
