You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
