I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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