he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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