First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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