Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
