the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
