I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
