we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
