she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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