puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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