Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone shattered a urinal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
