I feel great
I just peed on a car
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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