After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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