Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize