Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize