If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
be right there i have to get my cape
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
