don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
